What's the Facebook protocol for dealing with someone with whom you were only Facebook friends because they were dating one of your friends, after they break up with your friend? Assume that it wasn't a particularly horrendous breakup (in which case an ostentatious de-friending might be in order), but you're certain you'll never see them again, and don't want them cluttering up an already cluttered Facebook page.
Yes, I am feeling about 12 today. Work with me.
Uninterestingly enough, I was in the position of the one who did the breaking up several months back. If this is any answer, her friends still haven't booted me, even though I know for a fact one of them pretty deeply detests me. 90% of the reason I continue logging in is to see if they ever work up the guts to give me the chop.
Just remove the non-friend without giving a reason. How complicated can it be?
I feel like the cost of keeping a friend on your facebook account is so low as to make it kind of silly to de-friend them for reasons beyond active hostility (what "clutter" could you possibly be referring to?). I have lots of quotation mark friends on my account, but I find them relatively easy to ignore. And who knows? Every once in awhile, I've had occasion to contact them, for reasons that could not have been predicted in the multi-year period in which I had never saw/heard from them.
Keep them. Perhaps it will lead to a late night hookup or two.
I sympathize yet have no solution - would love for Facebook to create a way to customize your mini-feed and friends listings so you could make various 'best friends' and 'drinking mates' groups, et al. I do not have the problem of ex's, rather just old friends whom I have not seen in years, don't want to remove because that's my only link to them, but also do not need to be updated on their status each time I log on.
Good luck and I hope that the explosive power of your journalism causes Facebook to take action.
What's the issue?
Are you worried about being rude silently de-friending him (I'm assuming "him" because he/she or they/them is too awkward)?
If so, why not send him a message explaining that you're doing friend-maintenance and were thinking about deleting him, since it seems unlikely to be useful. Ask if he thinks there's a good reason not to?
If he has a good reason, then keep him on. Otherwise, it'll be a polite joint decision with no reason for hurt feelings.
I suggest you move on and dump them, but give them a voucher to be friends with anyone on the Atlantic staff they choose.
Advice from a friend mine:
I go with drop them from the friend list ... only a dotcomrade ...
Urban Word of the Day www.urbandictionary.com
October 23, 2007: dotcomrade
An [Internet] acquaintance; someone you chat with but have never actually met.
"So who's this NrdPowr32 guy?"
"I dunno. Just a dotcomrade of mine."
I admire the term "dotcomrade" and will strive to use it myself in the future.
There is no protocol. Freedom rocks.
That said, my advice is to stop expending any thought or effort on resolving this "problem." Let that which does not matter truly slide.
This is why you don't waste your time with the Facebook, like I did for the first 1 1/2 years of its existence before I finally wised up.
This has occured with me numerous times. Both with a former boyfriends friends adding me, and me being friends with a friends significant other, then having them break up. Anyway, I always just leave them as my friend, not that I talk to them or anything, but, might as well have an extra friend. If they want to delete you, so be it. If not, does it matter?
The only circumstance where you would want to drop someone is "outright hostility"; the feed being cluttered shouldn't really be a problem, since a) even with a couple hundred friends, you get a good 12 hours out of the feed, and b) only 12 year old girls want that constant of an update.
My general rule is that Facebook Friend is the lowest possible level of friend. I'd rank it below acquaintance. To reject someone on Facebook who you know in real life is quite a rejection indeed.
The protocol is this: Find a razor blade and a vein in your wrist. If you find that you care about this subject, apply blade A to vein B. Repeat until you no longer care.
What's Facebook?
Sara that's a joke, right?
If the feed clutter is your main concern, and you don't care for the potential drama of dropping, you can change your facebook seetings to not display stories on your feed from this person unless there's nothing else to show. Click on "Preferences" at the top right of the header of your feed. (Yes, I am mildly embarrassed to know this.)
Actually, I discovered just yesterday that such a Facebook friend had removed me as friend. Harsh, but understandable. So there you have it.
do you have any other people that need pruning? Can't you just put out an update that you are going to reorganise, and then do it? Also? This is only draHma because it seems like it. Friends of friends that you gain through relationship, understand that if relationship goes bad, so does the secondary friendship. UNLESS the friendship is actually stronger. As if under any other circumstance you had met, you would have been friends. Those you can keep even if they are a bit heavier. In your circumstance this didn't sound the case.
That's why I say just spin in to a reorg. That way, even though it is apparent that you are dropping them as friends, it is also not as harsh. They are probably looking for a reason to drop you too, without it being harsh.
The only reason you are even wondering about this is that there is a record, while in real life you just don't see people anymore, and the connection receedes into the sunset. It's just an artifact of the internet...
Gil's method sounds elegant - I'd be honored to have him as a Facebook friend!
I've had some experience from the OTHER side(the Myspace equivalent)of that stream.
I had a quarrel with a friend (no, we weren't dating, I'm married), and she took me off her list in anger (it was about a year before we patched things up). Not only that, she urged all her friends to drop me as well (in one case she actually took advantage of a friend's inattention to delete me off of HER page because she refused).
Her sister gave in, but sent me a very polite message explaining the situation. The moment we reconciled, she renewed the friend request. Her sister's husband deleted me without a word. I ended up with somewhat warmer feelings to the sister than the sister's husband, but it was no huge deal (if he wanted to renew, I wouldn't blink before accepting).
Being deleted by somebody HURTS, even if only in a small way. If there is some REASON to delete them (for example, your friend is hurt that you are maintaining this minor relationship, and you want to be supportive), go ahead and send a nice goodbye message explaining your decision. If there is no strong reason, the cost of one extra entry on your contact list is not worth slighting another human being even in a minor way.
I still have my little brother's ex-girlfriend, whom I have never met, on my Myspace friends list.
Oh - before I forget....if you DO decide to discard him, make sure you've used him in any silly Facebook application you might have first (Vampire bite him, Fight Poke him, maybe send him a pile of dog crap using Naughty Gifts). Might as well score those points!
Gils suggestion remains the most gracíous, though.
"Hi, we're probably not going to talk again. For that reason I'm considering un-friending you. Any objections?"
Sounds like an affront to me.
My advice is to wait 1-2 months and then do it.