Scott Adams asks:
I also envision a sport I call Bumper Soccer. It’s based on the most fun I ever had while participating in something resembling a sport. When I was an undergrad at Hartwick College, in Oneonta NY, we played soccer year round. In the winter, we played in the gym. And when the gym was taken, we sometimes found the door unlocked to a small exercise room with a low ceiling, a number of padded support columns, and a rubbery floor. We used it, quite illegally, for soccer. It was ridiculous fun, because the walls and columns added a dimension to the game. To beat a player, you could do a give-and-go off the wall or a column. And because the space was small, you were always near the action. A few times we played with more than one ball at the same time. It was frantic and amazing and great exercise. You ended up laughing the entire time. And the small space and columns were a great equalizer for different levels of skill. Speed and height didn’t count for much in there. We usually played coed.Best yet, from a business perspective, it packed a lot of people into a small space. I often wonder what I would pay per hour to reproduce that experience, and it’s a lot.
What’s your best idea for indoor recreation that does not involve sex?
I've always wondered why someone doesn't buy cheap wood furniture and glassware by the cargo container, rent out safety outfits, and let people whack the hell out of stuff with big hammers. We're a stress laden society. And who hasn't, when some inanimate object has stubbed their toe or otherwise thwarted them, wanted to vent their rage by destroying it? I'm also a big fan of plinking nearly empty aerosol cans with .22 rifles, and those have to be pretty cheap to acquire. America needs more outlets for its destructive tendencies that don't involve wrecking other places, or our own economy.
Whacking stuff with hammers sounds like fun, but seems wasteful. Why not ape the pick-your-own-apples scheme and have people chop / split their own firewood?
Possibly because it's a terrible method of anger management that simply conditions people to lose control and become violent. And way to generalize "work is stressful" to foreign and economic policy!
Well it appears you still can't post links here, but! it used to be a major draw at state fairs and carnivals-- they would buy an old junker car and people would pay money to wail on them with hammers. I would love to do that, although I hope I'd get there soon enough to take out a window.
You can have a lot of fun recycling glass. Hurling the bottles into the piles can be quite cathartic.
Or at least it used to be. Haven't taken glass down to a recycling center in a long time... do they still have them? Or has mandated recycling combined with bottle bills to kill the recycling dump? Do schools still have newspaper drives?
I'm sure that our foreign policy could be fixed if only we had better ways to relieve stress... not.
I've always thought it'd be nice to have a shooting range that allowed you to bring various objects to shoot... preferably with a camera system so you could take home photos of bullets punching through whatever.
EI
it used to be a major draw at state fairs and carnivals-- they would buy an old junker car and people would pay money to wail on them with hammers
Most likely taboo in our present lawsuit-happy society. Too much danger that someone might get injured (undoubtedly via his own idiocy) and sue the sponsoring organizations.
I've seen the traditional car bash done at a high school in Baltimore within the last five years. The car was a big old '60s era luxury car, and very solid. Football players with sledgehammers had trouble doing significant damage. Even knocking off the rear-view mirrors and significantly denting the hood took more than one bash.
My next employer (another school) had a lot of nonfunctional computer equipment and xerox machines: the latter were bought from the state surplus agency for $10 each and didn't tend to last long. Most of the parents worked in office or cubicle jobs. I tried to convince the school to have an equipment bash out in the parking lot some sunny Saturday, and still think they could have made quite a bit of money. Who doesn't hate copy machines? Printers, too, though they wouldn't last nearly as long. And what office worker wouldn't enjoy hitting a PC monitor in the face with a sledge-hammer? Worries about insurance liability most likely are what prevents such events from happening, even with safety equipment and signed waivers.
naw, don't you know what is the most cathartic thing we can break up in our stressfilled society?
Computers.
I always tell my friends when they buy new ones, to destry the HD at least with a hammer. If they are not recycling the guts otherwise take a hammer to that as well.
you would be surprised how much angst people have for computers. Or maybe not.
We need to recycle them anyway, why not some theraputic breakage?
And destroying a hard drive with a hammer is REALLY fun.
When I was a teenager, I got to tear down the house I grew up in. Amazingly fun, and the only mishap was when I fell half-way through the living room ceiling. Got stuck, luckily, so I only had scrapes to deal with rather than broken bones.
Also fun-- put a CD in the microwave for 5 seconds, paint side down. The metallic paint will course with electricity in a spiderweb pattern which looks amazing.
But, uh, don't burn your house down or inhale the fumes or anything. Or sue me if you do. Matter of fact, scratch the whole.
(It is cool though.)
There used to be firing ranges where you could bring stuff in for target practice. I heard of a group of printer engineers who brought in a line printer, set it running, and shot the hell out of it with a submachinegun.
At another company I worked for, a project team was requested to provide proof to a partner company that some equipment had been rendered un-sellable (it's a tax/duties law thing). The team took the printer into the parking lot and destroyed it with sledge hammers, and sent the resulting video to the partner.
My project lead once offered to take us and some prototype printer gear beyond city limits so we could shoot it up with his .45.
A fairly famous computer scientist got frustrated with repeated breakdowns of a large laser printer, but this time, before calling Field Service, he removed the sheet-metal skins, took them to the range, put about 20 rounds of 9mm through them, then replaced them on the machine. He tells me the look on the Field Service guy's face was priceless (while he stood there with his arms folded and an innocent look on his face, saying, "Gee, *I* don't know what's wrong with the thing.")
Hmm... Printers and violence...appears to be a trend, here...
America needs more outlets for its destructive tendencies that don't involve wrecking other places, or our own economy.
It is true. Many people do not know that games and sports are something to do and not to watch or observe. At least when you watch porn you... never mind.
Anyway - Scott's indoor soccer invention is being practiced by millions every winter. Watch Zidane during a friendly indoor training. In summer or when weather is pleasant - it does not make much sense to be indoors unless you also eat with your ass and fart with your mouth (sorry for the vulgarity)?
What I like about soccer, tennis and basketball is not that it can be played indoors too but that the professionals actually look fit. Whenever I watched baseball or american football - it's always seemed as if half of the audience is fitter than the players? I mean, except for the few quarterbacks, 95% of an american football team are obese Sumo ringers and their main training is eating? More than half of all baseball players sprout a proud beer belly? Chess players have on average a much better BMI? What is going on?
My stress reliever of choice for years has been a dead hard drive and a crescent wrench or hammer. The more expensive the drive the better, like a 300GB 15k RPM U320 SCSI drive.
I mean, except for the few quarterbacks, 95% of an american football team are obese Sumo ringers and their main training is eating?
This is a joke, right?
Whenever I watched baseball or american football - it's always seemed as if half of the audience is fitter than the players?
That's because the stadium seats are so narrow and they pack them so tightly, us fat guys can't fit in them comfortably; so we go to sports bars or stay home in our comfy recliners. Also I think the TV producers don't show many shots of the many fat people who do go to the games, since they are perceived as unphotogenic (unless body-painted or dressed bizarrely).
Also, you may have watched too many Brewers games. Very few ballplayers have the physique of Prince Fielder.
I mean, except for the few quarterbacks, 95% of an american football team are obese Sumo ringers and their main training is eating?
You're focusing on the offensive and defensive linemen; those guys can also bench press several hundred pounds repeatedly, so they will necessarily be huge. Like powerlifters (which is basically what they are). All the other position players are in enviable shape (not that benching 3-400 pounds isn't enviable).
And take a look at Miami defensive end Jason Taylor and tell me he's fat.
More than half of all baseball players sprout a proud beer belly?
I think you're exaggerating. Baseball is simply more accomodating to big guys because not as much running is involved. You'll notice that you don't see any fat center fielders, shortstops or second basemen: positions that require quick reflexes and good running speed. Soccer, basketball and tennis all require lots and lots of running.
I'm going to kow-tow to my demography and say that playing Grand Theft Auto is a pretty good way to let loose. My husband and his best friend like to spend their playing time killing bystanders and cops in an effort to get as many stars as possible before they get killed. The missions are totally secondary.
For actual physical release, there's something to be said for a hard run.
But frankly I don't see our macro problems stemming from an inability to vent frustrations properly. I see it as not enough people having good sex. You know if those 19 hijackers had wonderful sex lives there's no way they'd be angry enough to kill themselves and 3000 others.
How have we made it through 15 comments on this topic without even one Office Space reference? Shameful.
Whenever I watched baseball or american football - it's always seemed as if half of the audience is fitter than the players?
I could see getting that impression in baseball, but not football. Post Lawrence Taylor, good left tackles are not only huge (300 lbs), but fast (with sprint times rivalling that of Div I track athletes).
It's possible to get by in baseball with a bit of a paunch if you have preternatural hand-eye coordination, but even out of shape baseball players are in better condition than 99.99% of the population. I’ve heard more than one story about a trainer challenging a “fat” baseball player to a medium distance (1-2 mile) run, and then getting smoked. If the audience is so much fitter than the players, how come they’re not out there making millions of dollars for working a few hours a week?
How come so many here sound like New Romans who want to get rid of the Greece Olympic games only to introduce primitive gladiator destruction? That is in itself interesting?
I here that Jackass is now considered as an Olympic discipline for China 2008? That should please some?
Otherwise I am with Christina and hope that we do not follow the chimpanzee way but rather the bonoboos? But science claims it all, anger, war and peace, comes down to how women behave.. and what we eat?
Whenever I watched baseball or american football - it's always seemed as if half of the audience is fitter than the players?
I could see getting that impression in baseball, but not football. Post Lawrence Taylor, good left tackles are not only huge (300 lbs), but fast (with sprint times rivalling that of Div I track athletes).
NFL linemen have decent sprint speeds but most wouldn't do well with any sort of distance running. But that's no problem, as a football game involves short bursts of extremely intense activity and much longer periods of relative inactivity. Endurance is less important than explosive speed. Football also requires a great deal of strength. It is much different than, say, soccer or basketball, in which players experience more or less constant but less intense activity. In those sports, endurance is of much greater importance.
I don't know as much about the sport, but it's my impression that rugby is a sport in which all three of these attributes - explosive speed, endurance, and strength - are very important.
I could see getting that impression in baseball, but not football. Post Lawrence Taylor, good left tackles are not only huge (300 lbs), but fast (with sprint times rivalling that of Div I track athletes).
ahhh... he is the one that I have heard about. I remember!
If the audience is so much fitter than the players, how come they’re not out there making millions of dollars for working a few hours a week?
Simple. They'd bored to death standing around for hours and doing nothing. Don't tell me that the average tennis player couldn't perform a good swing - they do it while in motion which is far more difficult. But they too, I suppose, would be utterly bored by baseball, unless they are really into "waiting". Have we not all declined financial opportunities because of that?
The real question is - why does the audience pay for being bored? I mean - I know that natural patriotism and kin ship dynamics exhilarate us when a virtual score and huge crowds are involved. But basketball and tennis and soccer all offer that while remaining a sport too.
And btw - the question is not - can a fat trainer keep up with a fat player. The question is - could an average baseball player keep up with an average soccer, basketball or tennis player? No way. Soccer, basketball and tennis ALL require excellent hand-eye coordination as a prerequisite but nobody rewards players for their talent only, they have to be fit, unless we are talking baseball. Maybe that is the fascination in itself? Pool and cricket are very similar in this respect to baseball?
Peter
Please watch a basketball, soccer or tennis match and then tell me again that the 3 components that you have listed here, explosive speed, endurance, and strength, are not present in a higher degree than in baseball and football.
If you had claimed that "mass" is a distinguishing factor - ok. I can see how mass would be of an advantage to a football player or a hitter.
But basketball players have to sprint and jump and aim at the same time while remaining in motion for the whole game. So do soccer and tennis players. Have you seen the strength and precision that a first serve in tennis requires? No, Americans, me thinks can simply identify easier with football and baseball players than with other sportsman ;-) ?
Peter
Please watch a basketball, soccer or tennis match and then tell me again that the 3 components that you have listed here, explosive speed, endurance, and strength, are not present in a higher degree than in baseball and football.
If you had claimed that "mass" is a distinguishing factor - ok. I can see how mass would be of an advantage to a football player or a hitter.
But basketball players have to sprint and jump and aim at the same time while remaining in motion for the whole game. So do soccer and tennis players. Have you seen the strength and precision that a first serve in tennis requires? No, Americans, me thinks can simply identify easier with football and baseball players than with other sportsman ;-) ?
I wasn't saying that explosive speed and strength are unimportant in basketball, tennis, soccer etc. I was saying that endurance is more important in those sports than it is in football (or baseball) given their more or less continual movement.
The real question is - why does the audience pay for being bored?
That's the question people have been asking about professional soccer in the U.S. since Pele made us aware of it.
How boring is it watching two people knock a little yellow ball back and forth with a raquet? How boring is it watching cars drive 500 miles in a constant left turn (NASCAR)? How boring is it watching guys knock a white white ball down the field and then walk after it (golf)? How boring a sport is to watch is a function of the people watching it. To the people who like that sport, it's not boring.
Hugo said:
Please watch a basketball, soccer or tennis match and then tell me again that the 3 components that you have listed here, explosive speed, endurance, and strength, are not present in a higher degree than in baseball and football.
You say strength, but you must be thinking strength to weight ratio. No rational person would think that basketball, soccer, or tennis players are as strong in absolute terms as football players. They are just so much bigger...
PS baseball bats/balls are a lot heavier than tennis racquets/balls, you could not hit a baseball as many times as you can a tennis ball.
As a big clumsy kid with horrible hand-eye coordination I'm just glad football gave those of us they would not trust with the ball a chance to excel at varsity sports.
Never played GTA but I’m more of a FPS and “hack and slash” player. I bought my PS2 mainly as a stress reliever and have found that after a stressful day noting beats a couple of tall drinks and wasting nearly endless hordes of LEGO characters, tan army-men, and orcs.
Let me end this quite common internet discussion with the ultimate concluder:
Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, FTW!!!!
spencer
are you saying that it is even more important to have fun and to enjoy oneself than winning over which sport is the "best"? Citius, Altius, Fortius? What kind of sportsman are you? What is next - will you claim that as long as you enjoy the process, even the untalented and handicapped, will grow skills and arete? FTW indeed!
benp
No rational person would think that basketball, soccer, or tennis players are as strong in absolute terms as football players. They are just so much bigger...
is bigger really just another word for more big?
Not sure if you've ever read him, but Mungowitz talks about shooting down 10" pine trees with a variety of weapons and ammunition and keeping statistical records of how many rounds are required to fell a tree.
is bigger really just another word for more big?
"Bigger" is proper English usage. "More big" is not good English.
Your English lesson for the day...
ok liberalrob, help me out here as you know a thing or two about being "bigger" and language? Is it really like the "N word"? Some people are both Bs and Ns... poor souls.
Should the unions get active on behalf of "bigger" athletes in order to protect their constitutional rights or do you see the general public as being open minded enough as the melting pot allows for more races, species and sizes?
Personally - I am totally in favor for the introduction of affirmative action for bigger people and players. Not indefinitely but until integration can take place. Definitely not indefinitely or we end up with something like this again!
Anyway - I also think that there should be "bigger" cheerleaders.. but that is another discussion?
"Please watch a basketball, soccer or tennis match and then tell me again that the 3 components that you have listed here, explosive speed, endurance, and strength, are not present in a higher degree than in baseball and football."
I am a huge fan of basketball, soccer, tennis and football, and I have to say you are completely wrong about football players. In terms of pure raw athletic ability, I think US football players have to be considered some of the top athletes in the world.
Of the 22 players on the defense and offense, at most 12 could be considered to have any kind of weight problems.
- The 5 Offensive Linemen
- The 3-4 Defensive Linemen (although as many people have pointed out, a number of NFL defensive ends, Jason Taylor, Julius Peppers, Etc... are unbelievable athletes)
- And maybe half of the Tight Ends (Although most of the guys who play this position are also in great shape). For example, Antonio Gates and Tony Gonzalez who played high-level college basketball.
- The rest of the players, Running Backs, Wide Receivers, Cornerbacks, Safeties, Linebackers, have to be in ridiculous physical condition.
- Quarterbacks, in fact, would be one of the lesser athletic/fit positions on the field. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are by far the 2 best quarterbacks in the NFL right now, and are probably 2 of the slowest players in the NFL as well.
Typical stats for a NFL starting linebacker include;
- Running a 40 yard dash in 4.5-4.6 seconds
- The ability to bench press 225 pounds 15-20 times in a row
- 1 35+ inch vertical leap (some corners go 40+)
- Standing broad jump of 10 feet or more
http://www.thehogs.net/Draft2006/combine/2006CombineResults2.php
And you should note most of these guys were not good enough to make the NFL.
The reason these guys look big in their uniforms, is that they have ridiculous amounts of muscle on them (possibly chemically enhanced). For example, I think 95% of people in America couldn't run a 4.7 second 40 yard dash. But most NFL defensive linemen, the big fat guys you see on the line, can.
ok liberalrob, help me out here as you know a thing or two about being "bigger" and language? Is it really like the "N word"?
No, it is not at all like that. The "N word" is racist terminology that really isn't acceptable for anyone to use, even Chris Rock. "More big" is simply grammatically incorrect when describing the size of something. And if you try to crack a joke about Martin Gramatica, you can forget getting any more help from me.
Should the unions get active on behalf of "bigger" athletes in order to protect their constitutional rights
I have no idea what you mean. Athletes regardless of "size" are among the most highly respected people in society, unless they do something to betray that respect.
Anyway - I also think that there should be "bigger" cheerleaders.. but that is another discussion?
That's already been tried. Men expect cheerleaders to be athletic and beautiful. That's the whole point of (pro) cheerleaders, and cheerleaders work very hard to accomplish that goal.
"America needs more outlets for its destructive tendencies that don't involve wrecking other places, or our own economy."
We already have a lot: violent videogames. They're even overwhelmingly marketed to the traditionally most destructive segment of our society.
Never played GTA but I’m more of a FPS and “hack and slash” player. I bought my PS2 mainly as a stress reliever and have found that after a stressful day noting beats a couple of tall drinks and wasting nearly endless hordes of LEGO characters, tan army-men, and orcs.
You should really play GTA:SA. Rent it from Blockbuster. It's so huge, so multi-faceted, and so well-designed that you will be intrigued, if not hooked.