Tall girls

I see I am going to have to link to this article, if only to stop people from emailing me.

There are many drawbacks to being very tall in adolescence, but as an adult, the main one is that perfect strangers feel entirely free to treat you like a circus freak. People stop and stare at me. They point. They walk right up to me and ask me how tall I am. They ask me what size clothing and shoes I wear, and how much I weigh. They ask me about my dating life, particularly whether I go out with shorter men. (The answer to which, given that I live on the east coast, should be obvious.) People ask me my age, my ancestry, and what I like to eat. And if there's one thing everyone wants to know, it's whether I played basketball.

Yes, I played basketball. We all played basketball, okay? We didn't have any choice. Every gym coach we ever had thought that we were their salvation right up to the point where they saw our jump shot. The first thing any two of us do when we meet is make basketball jokes.

It's not particularly onerous--indeed, as soon as I see that questioning gleam in someone's eye, I go right ahead and say "6'2" and save us all a lot of trouble. But it does occasionally irk. Especially the pointing.

Comments

Henceforth I shall only gesture vaguely with an open palm when calling others' attention to tall girls.

The funny thing is, I work with a woman close to your size, and she doesn't seem point-worthy to me, despite my own slightly below-average stature.

Posted by Rob Lyman | March 26, 2008 6:16 PM

On being asked if she played basketball, my 6'2" wife, who loathes the game, typically responds, "No, did you play miniature golf?"

She also tells the story about walking to class at university and seeing a bunch of women following her. She stopped to ask them what the deal was, it turns out they were the college team asking her if she played. When she said she didn't know how, they begged to teach her. Instead she sang in the choir as the tallest alto in Western New York.

As for the first thing two tall women do upon meeting, from close observation the first question seems to be "Where do you go to buy pants?"

Posted by Kevin Stevens | March 26, 2008 6:22 PM

Being about 5' 7", I once dated someone who is about 6' 2".

Everyone stared at us.

I understand what you feel.

Posted by Name withheld | March 26, 2008 6:25 PM

My son is 6'8".

He had a T-shirt made "No, I didn't play basketball."

Posted by TexasToast | March 26, 2008 6:40 PM

Now I see why you missed the big bucks WNBA.

"Every gym coach we ever had thought that we were their salvation right up to the point where they saw our jump shot."

What's the tallest girl on the court doing taking jump shots?

Think Shaq, Megan. Think Shaq. It's an inside game of grind and bump, and defensive intimidation.

Is it too late for you?

Posted by Sidney | March 26, 2008 6:45 PM

Megan, I have gone through life from the other vantage point. I'm 5'1".

I've never experienced what you have. But, do people come up and pat me on the head frequently? Yep. Do they sometimes pick me up, like a little toy? Yep. (Really!)

I've suffered other indignities throughout the years, like riding in the trunk when teenage life was crowded ("you're the only one who will fit") and being ignored because no one knew I was there.

As for "name withheld" - I dated a guy in college who was a mere 7'6". Never thought that much about it - until a girlfriend my height was standing next to him as I entered the room. I burst out laughing.

What else can you do?!?

Posted by Peg | March 26, 2008 6:52 PM

I once read an anecdote about a girl whose grandmother was 5'11" and her grandfather was much shorter (5'5" maybe?) Girl asked the grandmother how she could have fallen for such a shorter man.

The grandmother sighed. "You see," she said, "we fell in love sitting down."

As a 5-foot-nothing married to a family of Scandinavian giants (most are > 6-feet tall, including the girls; my 9-year-old step-granddaughter is already about as tall as I am), I've had to live with a lot of height-related jokes. Any more I just ignore them. Not worth the aggravation.

Posted by Name Withheld | March 26, 2008 6:55 PM

The reason people feel free to point out a tall person is because it isn't considered a handicap, or source of shame, or any other negative thing by them. Hence they have less fear of insulting the person in question.

Its more like pointing at a movie star than pointing at an extremely fat person. People do the former all the time (well, to the movie star it would SEEM like "all the time"...)

Maybe that's not true of all of them, but for a lot of people, they don't mean to insult you.

That said, pointing in general is rude, even at movie stars. Too bad not enough people get that lesson when young.

Posted by Ryan Waxx | March 26, 2008 7:06 PM

So, I take it this means you're not a fan of Mankiw's height tax?

Posted by Independent George | March 26, 2008 7:15 PM

tall girls kick ass Megan!!!! more likely than not, the people who point are just jealous, deep down. especially the men. being 6 ft 4 myself, i think tall people are lucky to view life from this vantage point; but i can understand how it might irk a lady, esp when woman are told to place a high premium on being "little" and "cute." tall is sexy. screw anyone who says different.

Posted by Enough | March 26, 2008 7:21 PM

screw anyone who says different.

Why reward them?

Posted by Rob Lyman | March 26, 2008 7:31 PM

Why reward them?

Even long stainless-steel carriage bolts are only worth a buck a piece in bulk. Some reward.

Posted by anony_mouse_ | March 26, 2008 7:35 PM

"They ask me about my dating life, particularly whether I go out with shorter men. (The answer to which, given that I live on the east coast, should be obvious.)"

Perhaps you can explicate, for those of us for whom this isn't obvious. Are men shorter, on average, on the east coast? I would think that height would vary more by ethnicity and race than geographic location. There are communities of tall ethnic stock on the east coast (e.g., Swedes in southern NJ; Germans in central PA, Ethiopians in D.C. and NYC, etc.).

Posted by Fred | March 26, 2008 7:42 PM

Even long stainless-steel carriage bolts are only worth a buck a piece in bulk.

Are you suggesting that our gracious hostess engages in bulk screwing?

You may be violating the new comments policy, AM.

Posted by Rob Lyman | March 26, 2008 7:46 PM

The OLD one allowed that?

Posted by Ryan Waxx | March 26, 2008 7:48 PM

As a male, being tall is pretty cool, aside from not being able to buy some clothes or sporting equipment. Life in cubicle-land is much more expansive because you can see over the partitions. Crowds are less confining. It also promotes a certain aloofness from the world. And as PJ O'Rourke wrote about big cars in his seminal essay, "How to drive fast on drugs while getting your wing-wang squeezed and not spill your drink":

"when something bad happens in a really big car – accidentally speeding through the middle of a gang of unruly young people who have been taunting you in a drive-in restaurant, for instance – it happens very far away – way out at the end of your fenders. It's like a civil war in Africa; you know, it doesn't really concern you too much. On the other hand, when something happens in a little bitty car it happens right in your face. You get all involved in it and have to give everything a lot of thought. Driving around in a little bitty car is like being one of those sensitive girls who writes poetry. Life is just too much to bear. You end up staying at home in your bedroom and thinking up sonnets that don't get published till you die, which will be real soon if you keep driving around in little bitty cars like that."

I think Megan will not be writing sensitive poetry.

Posted by Ernst Blofeld | March 26, 2008 7:54 PM

As an average-height guy (5'9), I have a hard time sympathizing. I'm sure there are the sorts of needles and teases and aggravations anyone who stands out gets, but -- at least as a male -- even at my statistically average height I'm pretty well daily, in some way, the subject of directly or indirectly demeaning commentary. An average male is, for the intents and purposes of most women and in any athletic terms, is considered "short". (A tall man, say six feet, in the top 12 or 13% of the male population in the U.S. statistically, is "average," with many women believe that actually is average.) And there is little worse for an otherwise healthy male in developed societies in terms of your value as a male than being "short." That's always the first thing you are, and it's always a negative.

Posted by MM | March 26, 2008 8:13 PM

I'm with MM. If you think being a tall woman is awkward, let me tell you that being a short man is the real short end (horrid pun!) of the stick in the height lottery. In fact, I think there was actually a study done recently that showed some correlation between height and "success" among males for a fairly broad definition of success - career, love life, etc.

Posted by STC | March 26, 2008 8:47 PM

Megan,

Offer to buy the inquisitor a coffee or cookie or whatever, and then hold it over their heads and make them jump or beg for it like a dog.

Then every time they jump, grin down at them, rub the top of his or her head, and say, "pardon me. Are you a jockey? Are you a jockey?"

Eventually, they'll get the point and go away. Then you can drink their coffee and eat their cookie.

Posted by Jason Van Steenwyk | March 26, 2008 9:02 PM

I am a 6'3" guy. Most people seem short to me. I'm not just saying that in a cocky my-genes-are-better-than-yours sort of way (they aren't). When I stand next to most people, I get this odd sense that they are smaller than a person ought to be. My brother's fiance is 6'1" and I am about the only person who thinks that seems normal.

Posted by Craig | March 26, 2008 9:11 PM

I am only reasonably tall for a male (6'3) but exceptionally skinny (a more or less constant 127 pounds). My chest is the same circumference as my waist, so my deluded early attempts to buy a suit off the rack were a spectacle for all to enjoy.

Diet-wise, I can't win. If I'm not hungry and don't eat much at a sitting, people assume I have an eating disorder. If I am hungry and eat a normal portion, I get venomous stares from any women present. I can't find it in Post's, but it is apparently acceptable to say "I hate you" to a complete stranger in this context.

Posted by Milk for Free | March 26, 2008 9:17 PM

Please, isn't somebody going to help us obviousness-deprive west coasters out and explain the east coast answer to the short-guy-dating question? :-)

Posted by Kirk Parker | March 26, 2008 10:45 PM

That is awful. It sounds like being obviously pregnant your whole life.

Posted by Leah | March 26, 2008 11:09 PM

Better that the strangers gawked and asked for your height than gawking and asking for your bra size...as a 16 year old. You'd be shocked how many people think that's appropriate when the answer is 32H.

Posted by Scarred for Life | March 26, 2008 11:46 PM

Yeah, but has being a tall woman actually hurt your prospects in life? Being a short man can be much more aggravating, especially when it comes to dating. A lot of women are simply not interested in men who aren't tall.

Posted by Mike | March 27, 2008 12:34 AM

Being on the outer tails of any curve will promote some awkwardness, since it's human nature to expect and design for the median case, but being a tall girl does have one advantage: Many of the people staring are, in fact, turning Martian with envy.

Posted by anony_mouse_ | March 27, 2008 2:21 AM

Queen Victoria was 4'11.

Posted by roac | March 27, 2008 9:39 AM

Men's insecurity over their height seems to be a blogosphere meme. It comes up all the time, usually in the form of "women only want to date tall men!" I'd have to say that all through my life, I've regarded my height as about as relevant as my eye color, though that might be different were I not right at the American male median of 5'10".

Posted by Peter | March 27, 2008 9:40 AM

5'10" or so here. Women on JDate who are north of 5'6" or so refuse to believe I am the height I say I am until they see me in person.

It should be noted that 5'10" is essentially average height for a man; for Jews it seems I am essentially Yao Ming.

Posted by Dave | March 27, 2008 9:49 AM

Being a tall guy, I always found taller women nice because I could look them in the eye. I even got over my fear of speaking to girls by going straight to the tallest girl at any party I attended (the rest of the fools were usually ignoring them). I made some great friends that way and learned to really talk to women.
Now, my 5'9" girlfriend seems short to me (but I love her, so she'll never hear that from me).

Posted by ElamBend | March 27, 2008 10:01 AM

I am only reasonably tall for a male (6'3) but exceptionally skinny (a more or less constant 127 pounds).

Not to fall into what we're all complaining about here, but: wow. I'm 6'4".. the lowest I've weighed since I stopped growing taller is about 170 or a little less, and I thought that was super skinny. (I think my "optimal" weight, if such a thing exists, would be around 190.. I'm at more than that now though. :) )

I've always dated (and eventually married) much shorter women; both my wife and my most serious girlfriend before meeting her were about 5'4". On two occasions I tried to date women who were around 5'0" or maybe less, which would probably have looked odd had it happened (neither of them worked out for other reasons). I don't think there's any special reason for dating people much shorter than I was, it just worked out that way.

I do remember one time in college sitting in a class with a male friend (he's probably 5'10" or something... since basically everyone I know is shorter than I am, I'm a terrible judge of height), and we both noticed an attractive classmate... he said that she was hot but "too tall".. I said, "no such thing". It really wasn't anything I'd thought about before.

Posted by Kevin R | March 27, 2008 11:00 AM

east coast guys are shorter because of the overweighting of jews and italians

Posted by joe | March 27, 2008 11:25 AM

And I would like to use this thread to inform the internet.

Megan, you're going to have to do better than 6'2" if you want to out-tall us guys. I'm 6'3"! I tower over you!

SHORTY SHORTY SHORT STUFF! SHORTY SHORTY SHORT STUFF!!!

Feel better?

Posted by I, too, am a tall guy. | March 27, 2008 12:35 PM

Dave --

As for why women don't believe you are 5'10", that's the usual thing men who are really 5'7" put down. I've known a few who were right around my height, which really is 5'7", and that's what they do.

The extra digit seems to mean something to them, even though most women I know don't care about the numbers on paper. The real question is whether dancing together will be awkward or not, something that may or may not be related to height.

Posted by M.C. | March 27, 2008 12:59 PM

M.C.--Yes, I realize a lot of men lie on their online profiles, just like a lot of women lie about the shape of their body.

Whatever.

What's interesting to me is that I recently dated a woman who swore she is 5'9", though I am about three inches taller than she. There is no way I am 6'2", as such would imply.

I've never before met a woman who, in the face of empirical evidence, continued to claim she was a particular height.

As for tall women, odd that no one on this thread has mentioned Margo Dydek.

Posted by Dave | March 27, 2008 1:34 PM

It's not just that people lie -- it's that 5'10" seems to be a particularly common lie. Something about the number seems to attract people.

Posted by M.C. | March 27, 2008 2:57 PM

Yes, do explain what is obvious about the coy east coast remark. I am from the east coast, now living on the west coast, with some time spent in the middle. And I have no clue what you're talking about.

Posted by Peter | March 27, 2008 4:49 PM

I'm 5"10' (really!) and 115 pounds due to a weird metabolism. Multiple women have told me that the latter is a big disadvantage in dating, and my results bear that out. Of course, being a shy introverted geek can't help either.

Posted by Brian | March 27, 2008 5:42 PM

Six foot is another common lie. I am about a quarter of an inch short of six foot myself, yet I have had men who were two inches or more shorter than I am say with a straight face that they were six feet tall.

Oh, and Dave, three inches taller than 5'9" is 6', not 6'2". Perhaps the woman was telling the truth?

Posted by Andrew Stevens | March 28, 2008 12:16 AM

There really is nothing to worry about - I work in fashion and Ive never gone out with a girl less than 6" (being 6''4' myself) - just think you can still have a great figure and eat all you like! And i'm sure everyone respects you more for it!

Posted by Chris Buxton | April 11, 2008 1:27 PM

I don't have e-mail, so I'm using my son's site. I'm 6'2", my husbands 6'5", my daughters 6'5", one son is 7'0", and the last son is 6'7". My husband and I met in a tall club in Portland, Oregon. My son, Cody, who is 7"0", is always being teased. He's also 245 lbs. He's very skinny. I had a shirt made for him which says, "I love short people. I had three for breakfast this morning." My daughter would often be asked, "How's the weather up there?" She got tired of that question. She finally spit on them and told them it was raining. I used to tell them to grow up and find out. Our kids have all loved being tall. Our granddaughter just turned three. She's as tall as a six year old now. I hope when she grows up, she also will be proud of her stature.

Posted by Linda Wells | April 28, 2008 9:50 PM

I am 6 feet tall and 50 years old. I do not see where my height has ever been an asset other than the ability to reach high for items on the behalf of others (yet they refuse to bend over for me, ha). The few tall men of my youth all seemed to dance and date shorter women. I made a very conscious decision to be friends with shorter men, who had my same complaints - only in reverse. They ended up better friends, far better lovers, and kinder all around than any guy as tall or taller than myself. BTW, clothes are a huge problem, especially jeans. And jobs...I truly believe that employers are intimated by my being so much taller than them. I have only been hired by people who are taller than me. Oh - and you can't be on Wheel of Fortune if you're taller than Pat - unless you're famous.

Posted by Rose | May 12, 2008 4:42 PM