1) Drive home from a dinner party immediately after playing Mario Kart
2) Smoke while pumping gas, as (I just realized) all the Ethiopian cab drivers seem to do at the gas station across the street from me
3) Wear high heels and then merrily plan to walk home two miles
4) Leave home without your Kindle once you have gotten used to it. I had to sit in a Chinese restaurant for ten whole minutes today without a thing to read.
5) Order the Kung Pao Bean Curd from Peking Express
These are the lessons of my life in the last twenty four hours. I know you're all glad I shared them with you.
I hope you didn't kill any motorists with a red shell.
Please tell me you didn't learn all these things in the same evening.
Rule #1 applies to Grand Theft Auto IV as well.
Rule #1 REALLY, REALLY applies to actually driving in real karts. That completely throws out your perception of what a reasonable cornering speed is.
You forgot "vote Republican when they absolutely positively have nothing to offer anybody who doesn't already have more than enough," but I suspect that's a bit churlish on my part. Sorry about the Kung Pao bean curd.
In re #4 -- study the menu REALLY carefully, or learn to look around . . .
Which version of Kart are we talking about? I think that the Wii version would most interfere with one's driving. However, I think Toad's Turnpike might also impair one's driving.
#5 : In my (limited) experience, there are no small/fast-food Chinese restaurants that can do veggie dishes well. Any place surnamed 'Express' has to be part of that group, so there you go.
I'm hoping you prove me wrong, by the way.
Point (1) is well taken. Nothing kills your evening faster than attempting to panic-stop a rogue vehicle with the 'B' button. Especially since "reset" may require up to a few weeks and several thousand dollars delivered respectively to doc and shop.
This being D.C. traffic, though, you could probably find a suitable use for weaponry operated by a trigger.
study the menu REALLY carefully
It's always fun to try to reverse-engineer foreign languages from bilingual menus.
I will second the GTA reference. Once after playing GTA 3 (the original) with a friend for hours, we decided to go to the chow hall. There was a firetruck parked there, and I looked at him and in all seriousness said, "Do you realize how much damage I could do in that thing?"
#1 is nothing. It's after playing Autoduel that you get into real trouble.
#2 I thought is actually only dangerous in the movies.
#4, come on. You can read ingredients of condiments, listen to songs in your head, solve for the Friedmann equations, think about those who have wronged you and plot revenge, etc.
You really should've Tweeted (Twittered?) this whole post in 5 separate Tweets.
Back in 1989 I was at my relative's gas station in Italy and watched a man smoke while pumping gas into his Ferrari Testarossa. I think we're just too much of wimps here...
#5 : In my (limited) experience, there are no small/fast-food Chinese restaurants that can do veggie dishes well. Any place surnamed 'Express' has to be part of that group, so there you go.
Orient Express in Pittsburgh makes a General Tso's Tofu that I still crave a year after having left, and expect to crave for many more years.
Please, please, do not be casual about smoking in gas stations. Even though there are safety valves and all kinds of stuff, sometimes horrible things happen.
In August of 1979 I was 100 yards away from a gas station (in Buenos Aires, Argentina) that just exploded, killing 8.
I'm sure you'll have a hard time googling this but believe me it happened.
re: 4 - its worse when your kindle breaks.
What about 2a: using your cell phone while pumping gas? I see this every time I fill up . . .
#2 is not dangerous in any sort of vaguely normal circumstance (let alone goof off's 2a - the "ban" on cell phones while pumping is based on purest BS and "precaution". I use quotes because it's utterly unreasonable "caution".).
A cigarette just isn't hot enough to set off gasoline vapor in any sort of concentration you're going to find in the air at a gas station.
Maybe, just maybe, if it was 115 degree weather, you were doing it in a more enclosed area, and puffing very strenuously on the cigarette, that might be almost plausible.
But otherwise? Not so much.
Is it weird that I find this really cute?
And that high heels thing may just be an American issue. Most women I know would just off the shoes and walk barefoot, same as I do if I'm wearing dress shoes and it starts raining or something.
However the time I was in a cold country, (Korea, but I imagine the USA is similar) and tried that in the snow, I learned I should have not brought such stupid shoes in the first place.