In the event of Rapture, this bank account will NOT be empty

Markets in everything:

Surely we’ve all faced this scenario when making plans for our future and the safety of our loved ones: What if we are summoned to heaven by God while our loved ones are left behind to face the armies of the Antichrist as they spread out across the earth? Now, registered Republicans are fairly safe in this scenario, because they’ll either be raptured or else they’ll earn a good living as KBR contractors providing supplies to the Antichrist’s armies. But for the rest of us, this is a real fear that we face.

Fortunately, some good Christians have the perfect solution: A website that will let you store information to be emailed to your loved ones in the event of the rapture. The website will only send the information to your loved ones if the site proprietors fail to log in for 6 days. You can use your data storage on their site to store all sorts of information that might save their souls, including entreaties to accept Jesus.

Needless to say, as an agnotheist, I am not expecting to be swept up in the Rapture. But it really is a tribute to the triumph of the market that people work through these problems in advance and find innovative ways to solve them.

Comments

If the proprietors aren't swept up in the Rapture after all, will there be a refund?

If the Rapture does take place, it will affect a lot of stock prices. Those of us left behind will be able to look at Who bought or shorted what the previous day and infer who God really is.

Is the SEC prepared to take action against their Creator? Religious SEC officials will have a troubling conflict of interest there.

Posted by McNamara | June 5, 2008 10:23 AM

A bit like that serpent in the Garden of Eden conveying information.

Posted by themightypuck | June 5, 2008 10:25 AM

The customer for this is an odd chap.

He's sure he's going to heaven.

And that his loved ones are going to hell.

I would love to see those emails. I bet they are a laugh a minute.

Posted by Toxic | June 5, 2008 10:29 AM

P. T. Barnum's axiom is reaffirmed!

Posted by Ed Reid | June 5, 2008 10:32 AM

This whole agnotheist thing is the most painful piece of pretentious hackery I've seen in a long time, since lil' Conor ran your blog.

Posted by rickm | June 5, 2008 10:48 AM

Sigh.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal." Matthew 6:19-20

Posted by Klug | June 5, 2008 10:51 AM

I don't know about "painful piece of pretentious hackery," but the agnotheist idea does seem lacking.

In your Jane Galt blog, you wrote "an agnostic is someone who believes P(God)=.5". So what if I believe P(God) = .501, or .499? What about if an agnostic places P(God) at .001? .0001?

I get that you doubt God exists. I don't think it deserves a new word.

Posted by bcg | June 5, 2008 11:09 AM

Very funny. Reminds me of the bumper stick I saw a few years ago:

In event of rapture, can I have your car?

Posted by JohnMcC | June 5, 2008 11:28 AM

What's amusing about this is that failure of the business model or the death of the site's proprietors will, quite literally, trigger the Rapture. Well at least for a few hours until the business' clients arrive home, alive, to find that their wives/husbands have barricaded themselves in the house with enough guns and ammo to bring down Satan's army themselves... Should make for an interesting dinner conversation that night, I'd think.

Posted by Mark | June 5, 2008 12:03 PM

Has anyone here ever heard of satire? I think that this explains the website in question.

The domain was registered by Proxy Inc., which prevents people from knowing who the real registers are. At this point, I'm saying 'shenanigans'. This is a joke, and nothing more.

Posted by Half Canadian | June 5, 2008 2:14 PM

"agnotheist": bah. It's all superstition, all this God business.

Posted by dearieme | June 5, 2008 3:12 PM

Very funny. Reminds me of the bumper stick I saw a few years ago: In event of rapture, can I have your car?

If the chap gets to it first, he's welcome to it. However, if I was driving at freeway speeds, said car may end up being considerably more compact than even the designers intended, and at that point I expect a reputable body shop owner may be more difficult to find than usual.

Won't matter much, though, as the new owner cannot expect to have a lot of time to enjoy the prize.

Posted by aMouseforallSeasons | June 5, 2008 5:14 PM

Why aren’t they selling futures contracts? It would be interesting to correlate that market against the Rapture Index.

Posted by Max Kaehn | June 5, 2008 6:27 PM

Interesting idea Max. I'd like the idea of "Rapture Insurance". If, when it comes, you don't get raptured, you get paid off. Remember, some of the non-raptured will still make it to heaven, but only after combatting the forces of the beast. A nice post-rapture annuity would guarantee the financial security you need to retire early and fight the good fight.

I'd like to set up the actuarial tables for that.

Posted by Njorl | June 6, 2008 11:41 AM

bcg, it's all about significant figures. Megan said 0.5, not 0.500, so she's covered everything from 0.450 - 0.549.

Posted by alan | June 6, 2008 12:01 PM