1. The narrator sounds like some random bland NPR guy; he needs a little more vitriol in his voice.
2. Smoking a pipe doesn't have much cultural baggage unless you're also wearing tweed and a bow-tie. Without those pieces, he could just be some civil-war reenactor in civilian clothes.
3. Absinthe is pretty hard-core. They already flashed up 'girlie drinks'; why confuse the message by mentioning a drink that was the heroin of 19th century Paris?
Pretty good. I'd give it a six out of ten.
Great closing line.
Three weaknesses:
1. The narrator sounds like some random bland NPR guy; he needs a little more vitriol in his voice.
2. Smoking a pipe doesn't have much cultural baggage unless you're also wearing tweed and a bow-tie. Without those pieces, he could just be some civil-war reenactor in civilian clothes.
3. Absinthe is pretty hard-core. They already flashed up 'girlie drinks'; why confuse the message by mentioning a drink that was the heroin of 19th century Paris?
Who the [expletive deleted] is Jacob Grier
And why the [expletive deleted] should I care?