"I triple-majored at Stanford, have an MBA from Wharton and a good paying job. Oh, wait--that's what would make me a good catch if I were a man. Hmm. I'm a reasonably attractive, quick-witted, intelligent woman who is just as comfortable in jeans as she is in heels and a little black dress."
Really? Is there any woman over the age of twelve who isn't comfortable in
a) Blue jeans
b) Heels and a little black dress
This is a terrible answer. Stating that you're fond of sports is probably more the thing, but still . . . can you really build a relationship on the Kansas City Jayhawks? Besides, my theory is that no one falls in love with people for the reasons that they should (or, usually, out of love, either).
So I'm opening up a comment thread. Don't tell me what makes you a great catch, because the chances are you don't know. Tell me what makes your partner--or even your current crush--a great catch. I expect the answers will be much more interesting than the Washingtonian ones. One caveat: "Makes me laugh" is verboten.
Megan it is the "Kansas Jayhawks" not the Kansas City Jayhawks. My wife is a great catch because she loves me and puts up with me. Isn't that all that really matters? I mean if they came back and took away her college degrees or I found out she lied, would I divorce her because she was no longer a good catch?
I think what makes that woman's answer bad is the idea that she is somehow a good catch because she has degrees from Standford and Wharton. If I were starting a company I probably still wouldn't hire her because she hasn't seemed to have ever done anything beyond go to school but her degrees would at least be relevent. But they are completely irrelevent to whether I would date her. To that question what is relevent is; is she good looking and is she a good time.
Nothing wrong with this ad. She's demonstrated a well above average understanding of men and our desires - specifically, physical attractivess over material wealth and status.
Nothing wrong with women pursuing educations and careers, just don't expect us men to swoon at your post grad degree and $4000 power suit.
....because she knows the worst thing about me, and it's alright.....oh wait, that's from "Meet Joe Black". You're right. I don't know.
Laughs at my jokes, which is the definition of "a good sense of humor" in a woman.
Can help me with my job--and is actually better at some aspects of it than I am.
Regards most shoes and handbags as horrible overpriced crap, unworthy of hard-earned money.
Loves our children. Is extra-cute when pregnant.
My wife is a good catch because:
She's a good mechanic
She likes a family of random info that I do--English literature, history, group dynamics
She wants to raise children
As my father died I witnessed my mother's extreme loyalty to him. I don't think she left the hospital in two weeks and in the end he had to trust her to make decisions for him.
I realized then the girl I was dating was the one I wanted there at that point in my life and now she is.
How about something about liking men, as men, and not being interested in remaking her man into something different.
As my father died I witnessed my mother's extreme loyalty to him. I don't think she left the hospital in two weeks and in the end he had to trust her to make decisions for him.
I realized then the girl I was dating was the one I wanted there at that point in my life and now she is.
I think the woman in the ad would be a good catch if she owned a sail boat and or a good off shore fishing boat with a large outboard motor and on board head. Owning a beach house in Cape May would also help.
I misread her answer. She was saying that the Stanford and Wharton degrees would make a man a good catch. Gee I wonder why this quick witted woman is still single. Could it be because she has turned down any number of decent men because they didn't have the right resume? She strikes me as a shallow princess. Anyone who feels the need to put their resume in a dating ad, is not a good catch.
I think the woman in the ad would be a good catch if she owned a sail boat and or a good off shore fishing boat with a large outboard motor and on board head. Owning a beach house in Cape May would also help.
I misread her answer. She was saying that the Stanford and Wharton degrees would make a man a good catch. Gee I wonder why this quick witted woman is still single. Could it be because she has turned down any number of decent men because they didn't have the right resume? She strikes me as a shallow princess. Anyone who feels the need to put their resume in a dating ad, is not a good catch.
"I realized then the girl I was dating was the one I wanted there at that point in my life and now she is."
I had a similiar experience when my mother died. I looked around and thought about who I would want to and could depend on taking care of me if I ever got really sick and my future wife was the obvious answer.
We are both intelligent in different ways that compliment each other. I'm a mathematician, she's a journalist for a major paper. She helps keep me organized. She does a much better job of pretending to be interested in my technical stuff than I do of pretending to be interested in her technical stuff. We are compatible financially, (both a little miserly) which is huge. I don't think I could be with a spendthrift.
My wife is a catch (for me) because she ISN'T comfortable in heels and a little black dress. In fact she doesn't even own such a thing, nor does she wear jewelry or make-up.
Yet another dose of New York/D.C.-centrism from Megan. Not everyone lives the east coast night life, and not everyone wants to.
"Really? Is there any woman over the age of twelve who isn't comfortable in
a) Blue jeans
b) Heels and a little black dress"
Have you ever left the Eastern seaboard? Honest question. Because in Kansas, getting a girl in to heels and a little black dress requires a funeral.
My wife's great 'cause she loves God as much as I do, she loves football almost as much as I do and she's got my back all the way. She's really fun, she's got the alcohol tolerance of a longshoreman (but she doesn't drink very often) and she loves our daughter and handled a tough pregnancy with class and style. I'm the luckiest fellow in the world.
P.S. She really hates Peyton Manning, but I forgive her.
nor does she wear jewelry or make-up.
I forgot that one. I can't get out of trouble with jewelery or flowers, but on the upside, because every kiss doesn't begin with Kay, I feel confident she isn't a whore.
My wife is a great catch because ...
She's an excellent communicator.
She's at least as smart as I am.
She's willing to divide the work at home fairly.
She's willing to give and take criticism.
She actively seeks to improve herself. (Although she isn't comfortable in a little black dress just yet, she's working on her health and her weight, in that order).
She loves and respects me, and accepts my love and respect for her.
My wife insisted we go to Batman on opening night so we could see the Watchmen trailer.
I think I win.
It sounded like a joke to me. It captures the male perspective perfectly. If you don't look good in blue jeans or a little black dress with heels there probably isn't much point bothering with you.
i think being fans of a team such as KU can be a portal to a really good relationship. it's the same as two people sharing an interest in the poetry of ts eliot or two people liking french films. it doesn't matter what the common ground is, it just matters that there is some common ground. my wife and i have varied interests, but they overlap just enough so that we can do things together that we enjoy...like watching NBA basketball. i love being able to sit at home with my wife and watch the NBA playoffs and hear her scream at the t.v.
now if i could only get her to watch football with me....
a great partner is someone who shares your fundamental values in life but at the same time challenges and complements you in all aspects in life. the hard part is finding that person at the exact time that both of you are ready...timing is everything
The love of hiking all day over rugged terrain, to be followed by checking into a lodge with a hot tub and a great restaurant, or even better, getting back home to cook together with what we have grown in the garden. Joy at finding a terrific bottle of wine for $10. More importantly, a short memory and a large capacity for forgiveness. Genuine kindness and charity.
My wife is just better than me. Better looking, more moral, less self-indulgent, blah blah blah. Maybe she wouldn't be such a great catch for a better man than me, but she's great for me. I don't lack in self-esteem, though, so I guess she'd be a great catch for just about anyone.
A smart, highly educated, witty, well paid MBA who looks good is certainly my idea of a dream girl. At the risk of stereotyping, those kinds of women are usually looking for a doctor or high powered shooter, not an MBA from a Big Ten school like myself.
My wife's a great catch because she's pretty, sexy, inquisitive woman who is without a doubt the most interesting person I have ever met.
My girlfriend, who's almost certainly the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, is interesting to me in part because there's not much I can pinpoint as being "why I like her". When I first got to know her, I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "She's kind of pretty, but not worth dating really." So I kind of found myself in this "When Harry Met Sally" situation where just spending time with her and getting to know her as a friend made me realize how I couldn't bare to think of myself *not* spending time with her and getting to know her even more. She's a good person with a good family who wants the same things out of life and a relationship that I want. We're great at communicating with each other and we seek to share every aspect of our lives together, even the things we don't have in common. It's great to have a relationship with no frills but a ton of mutual respect and affection.
It's something I wouldn't expect out of a relationship with a highly educated, bitter careerwoman who wears jeans *and* black dresses.
My current gf is more right wing than I am, athletically enthusiastic at home, exceedingly compatible, loves my cooking, and has a similar outlook on life. Plus she's rather incredibly intelligent and accomplished, even if she has the stereotypical math skills of a Masters in Politics. She's also 5'7" and 110lbs.
The comments of Rob Lymann et al do seem to be just a wee bit bitter. Sorry that you have no material success, but that doesn't mean that any girl who likes nice things a whore. They're just civilised, unlike some. Plus there's nothing sexier than a woman wearing diamond studs, a string of pearls, black AP thong, black louboutin heels, and nothing else. The thong, of course, is optional.
Reasonably attractive is definitely not a positive. Neither is the cynicism about what men like. However there are women on both ends of the spectrum who aren't comfortable in jeans or else dislike heels and a cocktail dress. Given current fashions the jeans thing is perhaps not as apposite as it used to be, but saying it is indicative of the attitude it used to mean.
My personal preference is for someone who can handle themselves on a 2 week unsupported canoe trip, a week's back-country skiing, on a bareboat charter in the BVIs, docking a boat, managing a summer house with all 8 bedrooms full, dinner for 6 at home, dinner for 100 at home, and a formal charity benefit. But my life and expectations are rather stereotypically WASPy, though only a certain subset of people can handle that range of activities. So few people are well rounded these days.
Long legs, big blue eyes, a tender heart, and took a lot of work to get. Cognitive dissonance would never let me stop loving her!
Dan said it.
I'd add that being from another country and culture keeps life, and what's for dinner, fresh. I still remember the day I first saw her. She was the cutest girl in the room. Left her country and family and friends to be with me.
Similar to what Franklin said about beer, she's proof God loves me and wants me to be happy.
She reads George R R Martin and has a great butt.
Excellent question.
My wife is a great catch because she's intelligent and worth talking to for that reason, pretty and very very sexy, open-minded and willing to try new things on this journey, and - above all - she cares as much about my welfare and my happiness as I do.
What more could I need?
John
My husband is a catch because he's smart and funny, affectionate but not needy, a genuinely nice guy without being in the slightest way a pushover, a great cook, an outstanding computer geek, and great company. And he always makes me feel attractive and confident.
What a fun question to ask. I am enjoying reading the responses.
My husband is a great catch because he:
(a) is a faithful Catholic husband. I trust he'll behave like one.
(b) is an engineer through and through -- thinks like one, builds furniture like one, approaches problems like one. Looks like one too. :-)
(c) helps me make time for my health, in body and mind, on a daily, weekly, and long-term basis -- not easy for this homeschooling mom of three to do without that support.
My wife is
(1) beautiful
(2) extremely good at listening and asking intelligent questions--and not ashamed to throw out ideas that may be stupid and obvious but may be hugely insightful
(3) has infectious enthusiasm
(4) loves children, babies, and homemaking (her breads are unreal)
My husband is a great catch because he's absolutely rock-solid secure in his masculinity and doesn't need to prove it by making more income than I do, likes to be left alone a lot and respects my need for the same, does all the housework and laundry without complaint, appreciates that I don't want to go to his events and I don't ask him to go to mine, demonstrates daily that he respects and admires me by his attitude, words, and deeds, and is great in bed. But mostly because he thinks I'm wonderful.
also
(5) the things I get choked up and incoherent about, she also feels deeply--God, America, family.
Isn't like any of the dickheads who have commented here.
Isn't a libertarian.
My best-beloved is, for me, a great catch because:
She and I share a lot of interests---science fiction, history, mystery stories, and so on.
She's Chinese-American, and I adore East Asian women.
She loves me back.
The "equally comfortable in jeans and in evening-wear" thing is a stock phrase that comes up repeatedly in Men-Seeking-Women online personals. At least out here in California. I remember making fun of that phrase with a friend of mine. (Also, the weird and creepy tendency for the guys to have one of their photos be of them standing outside their large, expensive house, or large, expensive car.)
I'll add that I'm another who's not comfortable in any kind of dress (I'm only somewhat comfortable in heels, and that's just because of my old job, where we wore suits every day; now I hardly ever wear heels to work).
I have no occasion to wear dresses; I'm not into nightlife, and Houston is a casual city besides. I own only three: one from my wedding, one that I wore to my and my husband's work Christmas parties last year, and another that I wore to both Christmas parties the year before. Even as a kid the only dresses I owned were for prom.
More importantly: my husband makes me laugh, even when I'm in an awful mood. He's ambitious, responsible, and caring, but that first one is the hardest to find.
"(Also, the weird and creepy tendency for the guys to have one of their photos be of them standing outside their large, expensive house, or large, expensive car.)"
It is callled Say's Law; demand creates supply. I remember reading an article once when I was single written by a woman and explaining how to write these ads if you were a guy. It basically said to emphasize how much money you make, all the manly things you do (motorcycles, rock climbing, skying that kind of thing), and how much you love children. I was really apalled and couldn't believe such an ad could ever attract anything but the shallowist woman, but judging from your experience, maybe the woman had a point.
My wife is a libertarian, atheist, med student with long blond hair, blue eyes, and a great body. Aside from the med student bit which (sometimes) sounds better if you phrase it as future doctor, I think that makes her the perfect woman. I think she's a catch because it always feels like we're looking in the same direction but seeing different things, which is great because I don't have to worry about overlooking anything the world has to offer that I might enjoy because she'd be the first to call it to my attention.
I think your sample is excellent, although it depends on the purpose. I'm assuming the goal is long-term not serial dating.
Here is someone with a very small potential dating pool since she cannot restrain herself from inappropriate gender insults. What better way to weed out the vast majority of people who reject such asininities in order to find the few people who will put up with you.
Huh? Is Megan being serious here? The answer is yes.
she makes me laugh.
I wonder if the blue jeans/black dress thing is really some kind of code for "I'm not a high-maintenance person, but I promise to try to look pretty once in a while."
I am not very comfortable in blue jeans. They look like "Mom Jeans" on me at this point, and I don't want to wear "Mom Jeans."
I don't really like anything about my wife.
But she does bring in a lot of money. And of course, we save money on housing, food, vacations etc... And I enjoy hanging out and drinking with her brother.
Ha, just kidding. I like her because she likes my weird sense of humor.
My husband is a great catch because:
1. he's really, really intelligent
2. he's fabulously handsome
3. 1 and 2 above make him excellent breeding stock
4. he's from a cultural and educational background fairly similar to mine, so we have broadly common points of reference
5. he has completely different opinions, which gives us good stuff to argue about
6. our arguments are interesting, because did I mention he's really, really intelligent?
7. he likes children, and children like him, and he's a good father
8. he has a good heart, which makes him kind and brings out my protective streak
9. we have similar ideas on money and long term priorities (for important things: I will never understand spending $50 on a Corgi WWII plane model, and he doesn't get my shoes)
10. he makes amazing pasta sauce
11. he can drive a standard transmission car
Looking at the last 2, I realize I could go on forever. Ultimately, though, he's a good catch for me because we mesh together really well, so I kind of think of him as being as much a part of myself as my right leg.
-Does not bother with sports, allows me to like them and leave me and my buddies to watch them, like guys.
-Isn't afraid to act like a woman, and allows me to act like a man.
-doesn't whine to me about her daily insecurity problems, goes to her girlfriends instead.
-doesn't want to be my best friend, wants to be my wife. she has her own best friend, I have mine.
-wants to have the same number of kids I do, wants to raise them the same religion I do, wants to live in the same area I do.
-never tries to make me over, but instead likes me for the same faults I had when we met.
-keeps herself attractive, but not obsessively; no botox, surgery, or radical weight loss.
there, we have a perfect woman.
She isn't shallow (which partly means we agree about what's important).
She is fair.
She is incredibly loyal.
I can trust her.
She cares about me.
My husband is
handsome
witty (sorry, I know this doesn't count)
passionate
intelligent
loyal
laughs at my jokes
puts up with my bossy self
and most importantly, he's fantastic with our baby boy
Now I just have to learn when to put the sudoko down, and we'll have a flawless marriage.
Because she is completely unlike every other woman I've ever known. She is, in fact, almost exactly the opposite of what I would have said I was looking for. As a result, she forms the perfect counterbalance for me, and I for her. Not to mention, she's smokin' hot!
I play rugby and she's a physical therapist.
Bonuses:
She can bench press her weight.
She can carry a backpack for a week.
My husband is geeky like me (We're both scientists) but cleans up nicely when I'm in the mood to dress up and put on that little black dress and heels. I also love his family - I sometimes joke with him that his grandmother is my favorite person in his family.
My partner's awesome because he doesn't mind that I can't wear heels. Honestly. Flat feet look horrible in heels and although I can run and swim and climb with the best of them, I can't balance in heels to save my life.
I can rock a pair of jeans anytime, though.
My wife just bought me a Wii for an aniversary gift.
Always brings home my favorite ice cream.
More importantly, we had a huge family crisis before our wedding (something tragic), and was perfect through the whole thing.
Plus, can do more than basic home repairs (as Grandma always said, marry a man who's handy ...)
My wife is intelligent, educated, and creative. She's intensely loyal. She shares my values. She loves to try new things. She loves me for who I am, but also makes me a better person.
After 6 years we can still stay up half the night talking, or share a perfectly comfortable silence for hours.
Of the 8 examples given over at the link, the one you categorize as the "clunker" was the pick of the litter. She is a high achiever, but knows that that just citing that won't get her the responses, at least not the kind she wants. So, she grumbles a little, but in a way that shows she has a sense of humor about things, and lets it be know that she wants to have some fun, can pull off wearing a little black dress, while at the same time communicating that she likes a casual afternoon type of outing as well as a night on the town. All that in 53 words. Not great literature perhaps, but I'd be more interested in her than in someone who has only told me that she likes potty humor, the Kansas Jayhawks, and "holding her own".
Similar tastes in lifestyle, travel, food, nightlife, and beer.
Similar desires with regards to frugality, child raising, and religion.
Independent, capable, smart, cute, low maintenance, nerdy, and fun
For what its worth she lives in jeans and doesn't own a little black dress or heels.
Heels are not compatible with my wife's plantar fasciitis. She appreciates that I grew up in Berkeley and enjoy the looks of long flowing skirts.
She puts up with my bullshit.
I love her because she is just so much like a girl. Hates sports, loves shopping, and wears the color pink, has to get her nails done, and her idea of a good read is the monthly Lucky magazine she gets.
She makes me feel like a man, she certainly doesn't discuss the Giants drafts picks with me(or the trade of jeremy shockey), i appreciate and love that about her.
I can't believe how many commentators claimed they appreciated the fact their wives don't like to wear dresses and high heals.
I don't think I could marry such a woman.
Chris M and Alvast win the thread.
This post brings to mind an ongoing conversation that I've been having with my wife about what is "love" and how you know the difference between finding "The One" and infatuation or lust...
These essentials are what I've come up with so far:
(1) Being with them makes you wake up every morning wanting to be a better you.
(2) You not only "love" them...but you like and admire them as well.
(3) When hard decisions have to be made, they're easy because you both always seem to be heading in the same direction (even if you have different ideas about how to get there).
Perhaps it's needless to say, but my wife qualifies under all three in spades...
(That she is also an awesome mother to my daughter, a strong and intelligent woman on the verge of obtaining her doctorate, and beautiful to boot are all just icing on the cake....)
My husband is a great catch because he'll carry the heavy stuff when we're off tramping. And because he puts up patiently with my entire family.
My gues is that Megan has now discovered how little we understand about our partners real attractions, as well as about our own.
For what it is worth (worth printing on electrons but nor on paper?), I think that what appeals most deeply to me is integrity, love and the ability to go on seeing the world as children do. I have been and am deeply fortunate.
My wife is great catch because she's first (and thus far only) person I've met in my entire life who never confuses what she wants with what she thinks she wants.
Also: well-travelled, athletic, multilingual, broad-minded, ethical, casual, beautiful, thoughtful, and so on.
She tells me my jokes arn't funny while I'm laughing at them. She looks incredible in a mini skirt.
She has a six pack, I have a twelve pack.
She can handle our three kids when I can't.
She forgot our first aniversary.
She's still here after 14 years.
Background: When we were dating he was in his forties, and he is average height, not very athletic. I spent the night at his place and the next morning in bed he yawned, he stretched and then he assumed a deep bass voice and said, "Hercules . . . Unchained."
So I married him to see what he would say next. After sixteen years, I still couldn't tell you what he will say or do next. But I've never -- ever -- been bored.
Background: When we were dating he was in his forties, and he is average height, not very athletic. I spent the night at his place and the next morning in bed he yawned, he stretched and then he assumed a deep bass voice and said, "Hercules . . . Unchained."
So I married him to see what he would say next. After sixteen years, I still couldn't tell you what he will say or do next. But I've never -- ever -- been bored.
We met because I corrected his post on usenet about an obscure bit of trivia - his response was to thank me! I fell in love right there. He's brilliant but the least egotistical person I've ever met. Cute, incredibly romantic, responsible but loves surprises and spontaneity. Likes to dress up in suit and tie occasionally "for his woman". He's an engineer and very forthright - no games - and likes that from me. We share a fetish for open, honest communication. We're both voracious readers and love learning new things.
I mentioned this thread to him and he said one of the things he loves about me is that I'm the fastest person to get ready to go that he's ever met. (This morning he needed a ride and it was 5 minutes from PJs to showered, dressed in a dress, with shoes and purse, lipstick and earrings/necklace to match.)
My partner is an excellent catch because:
- she puts up with me and intellectually she can keep up with me
Incidentally, she is nearly 6' tall with sexy hips and has a goofy smile that would bowl you over, and brown eyes which are dark pools you could swim in...
but those of course didn't sway me in the least ;-).