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I've got a friend who's off to Tibet in a month. I could loan you her cats.
Of course, she'll want them back unharmed.
Sorry, our family's cat is beyond your dastardly reach, since she died after over 20 years of cattiness, just last September. On the other hand, I agree with Mr. Milbank about some people being, well, idiots. I just avoid the comment sections on the blogs for the Times and the Post, because I find the people there rarely have many good things to contribute.
I'll be glad to lend you my neighbor's cat. You can even keep it if you wish.